Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Miscarriage number 4!

Things went pretty much as I predicted. I am definitely having a miscarriage.

I went to the GP who sent me to the clinic, I saw a really nice doctor there and she happened to be seeing my consultant in the afternoon so spoke with him about me. Then arranged an appointment for me to come back for loads of tests, but not until June.

I am really pissed off! I just want it all sorted asap. I have been written off as sick for this week and next week I already had a week of holiday booked but am dreading going back to work since someone else at work is pregnant.

I have no idea what test they are going to do, or how long we have to wait to start again, like how long will the test results take to come back and then how long do I have to wait to get an appointment to get the results and what if the results come back that I can not hold a pregnancy. I am a mess at the moment. I spent all morning trying to get hold of the doctor I saw yesterday to ask her the questions, I was put through to about five different departments in the end I got through to someone where I could leave a message for her to call me. I need to put some kind of time frame on it all.

I am still bleeding although it has been really strange - not particularly heavy and stopping and starting. I do not think the kidney bean type thing has come out yet. I did not have a scan yesterday I guess because I was already bleeding heavilyish there was no point, but now I am wondering what is going on, not that I am fooling myself that at the end of this bleeding I am going to find out I am still pregnant and live happily ever after, just think it is a bit strange. I have had enough miscarriages to know what happens when, it is odd.

Monday, April 24, 2006

It got worse

The bleeding got worse. I was getting a few cramps yesterday evening then in the night I started to bleed heavily fresh blood. I am now waiting to see a GP to get a referral to spend hours of hell in the early pregnancy clinic, only to be told what I already know and what I have been told over and over again. Another Miscarriage.

When I eventually get home later I am going to call my consultant and if I am really lucky his heartless, rude, incompetent secretary will pass the message on that I want to see him asap to get the tests going to find out why I am having my fourth miscarriage.

Life sucks!

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Bleeding!

It feels like when shit happens it happens to me!

I started bleeding earlier today, first just a smudge of old blood, then later a bit more. I feel as though this is going to be yet another doomed pregnancy. I am trying to stay positive, but for me the last three times bleeding has been the beginning of the end so think this will be the same.

I am going to try to get an early GP appointment tomorrow, then it will be a matter of going to the hospital and waiting several hours for a scan. I hate the early pregnancy clinic, I have had to go there so many times and you just sit and wait for hours, it stresses me out.

Also yesterday I found out that the hospital I work at is being closed in the next couple of months. It never rains but it pours. I will be amazed if I get through all this sane if things go wrong.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

So far so good!

I had been worried about the pregnancy test result! Not only paranoid about being pregnant but also paranoid about not being pregnant! The test strips I bought off eBay by the 100! They have never given me a false positive but do not give very clear positive results. So I bought a pregnancy test from the shop and it was positive, now I really do believe I am pregnant!!

I think I have known for a while now, I could feel something was going on. I have the classic pregnancy symptoms now - sore breasts, frequent trips to the loo and a little nausea. I am also not sleeping too well and am really tired! It is all good! I just hope it keeps on progressing.

I have an appointment to see my Consultant on 18th May, for a scan, hopefully I will be told everything is going well and how many babies we are having and a due date!! I put the date of my last period into one of those websites that gives you a due date and I got 25th December!! After all the crap Christmas' we have had it would make for a good one!

Someone else at work is also pregnant but further along then me, I just hope it works out for both of us this time otherwise it is going to be even harder, to watch someone else grow. I hope there are happy times ahead!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Day 29 Faint pink line

I think we might just have got lucky!! For the past two days I have got a faint pink line on the pregnancy test strip. I did one yesterday that I did not quite believe, so thought I would do another this morning with my first wee since that is meant to be more concentrated. Technically it was not my first wee though since I got up at about 1 am to go as well, and did not think that was a good time to test! I did not sleep well at all last night. I know that you should wait a couple of days after getting a faint positive to re-test, so I will probably do another tomorrow morning, but I am fairly sure I am pregnant, I feel pregnant.

I stopped the metformin yesterday my consultant told me too and switched to 75mg of soluble aspirin (yuck!). I am at the feeling happy but not quite believing it stage at the moment. I am sure it will not be long before I am back to the paranoid stage!!! If it has worked I cant believe that we were lucky enough for the clomid to work first time after my miscarriage. Wow!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Day 27

My hubbys birthday!!

I did another test this morning, I am seeing pink lines before my eyes!! I am fairly sure it was a negative so far, but I swear I could have burnt a pink line into the test strip with my eyes!!! I thought there might have been a faint pink line but I don't think so. I see pink lines every where!!! Still another 7 days to day 35 so there is time yet!! I am sure something is going on inside me, but will have to wait and see!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Day 23 and Impatient

I am really impatient all the time but more so at this stage. Within the next 2 weeks I will either find out I am pregnant and be walking about with a fixed grin or I will find that I am not pregnant and need to start a new cycle of provera then clomid and be a miserable and hormonal cow!

I wish that summer would start! I know it is fairly early and summer does not start here until at least August but I would like to see more sunshine and less rain!!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Day 21 - still ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I have spent a weekend with my extended family!! It has been hell, and very stress full. My brothers and I seem not to be in favour as much as my cousins and so we seem to get a hard time and they get priority. I am planning to avoid all future family occasions through fear of slapping them all!!

I made myself feel really sick today out of principle! My Gran is always having ago at me when I eat chocolate or cake (despite the fact that the rest of the family are bigger then me!!), so I deliberately had two servings of ice cream!! I don't even like ice cream much!!!

Apart from that had a lovely relaxing weekend!! I am hoping to get a positive pregnancy test result by my hubbies birthday next weekend, although my 35 days will not be up for a week after that. Everything at this stage is crossed!!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Day 18 ahhhhhhhhhhh!

It is normal for me to start to go a little mad about now. Stressing out over if the clomid has worked or not!

Today I was just a total basket case! If anyone did so much as look at me in a funny way I wanted to cry! I eventually locked myself in the toilet at work to have a good cry, but then I could not stop! Then I got red puffy eyes!!

I hate waiting!

This is really funny - How to find inner peace!

A friend of mine e-mailed me this and it is great!!

Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on the Dr.Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished.

So I began to take action immediately. Before leaving the house this afternoon I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Cycle day 16

I have no idea when I ovulate! I think last time it must have been around day 17 so I think I am in the important part of the cycle now. I did try doing basal body temperatures in one of my cycles but came out with a chart that looked more like an ECG then a temperature chart. There were spikes all over the place!!! I think that was because of my shifts and so taking my temperature different times each day, so I gave up on that. So we go for the plain and simple plan of 'getting busy'(!!!) every other day at the least, from the day I finish the clomid until I get a positive result or get to the end of the 35 days and have to kick start a period.

I am trying to chill out about this cycle and if it will or wont work, but I am not going to try to fool myself into believing that if it does not work I will not be sad! I know I will be sad if I have to start yet another cycle. After 3 years of trying I just feel like we should be due some luck.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Cycle day 14

What a day!! I got up really early (4.45am) to watch the Grand Prix, but then went back to bed after Michael Schumachers Ferrari disintegrated half way through the race just as his car finally seemed to find some speed!! Then I got up about 9am. Lovely!!!

We have been collecting the Stargate box sets recently and finished the last one that is out at the moment so we needed something to fill the void, and we found it! Stargate Atlantis! It is brilliant so we watched that most of the morning, then this afternoon played Badminton, I won my first game! My Hubby then won the next 6!

I have been getting more mood swings again today, and a few abdo pains I am hoping it is a sign that the Clomid is working but could just be I am a moody cow with wind! Have to wait and see!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Cycle day 13 and April Fools day!

Well what can I say! At the 'busy' stage of the cycle! I am hoping to get a positive result by day 27! So two more weeks to go! Also links nicely to my Hubby's birthday, that would be great!! I am swaying from being positive the Clomid will work again to thinking it will never work! Ahhh!

I have been away for a few days, which has been a nice break. Although I went away to go to a funeral, which was very strange! Now I can quite honestly say it is good to be home!