Day 28 of cycle

I have been feeling pretty low again today, not feeling very optimistic. I guess I don't want to get my hopes up. I was totally devastated when the clomid did not work on the first cycle I don't want to feel that way again.

Something that made me laugh my pants off today though was a blog I found on blog explosion by total fluke whilst just browsing the blogs. It is a clip of film where a couple are waiting to check their pregnancy test result I laughed until I cried you have to have a look at it, and listen to it right to the end.

Day 26 of cycle

If you can call it a cycle!! I have been having a lot of period type pains today and yesterday morning, at least I think that is what it is or it could be wind! Another joy of taking Metformin! Anyway it seems to be resolving now. It was really nasty at work and it probably did not help that I had to run around like a headless chicken all day! I guess now is just wait and see time!

Day 24 of cycle

I have had a couple of low days, as you can probably tell from my blogs! If I had not of had a 2nd miscarriage then I would of had a baby around now. This is rubbed in my face even more by the fact that someone at work got pregnant around the same time as me and has just had her baby.

Not sure what is going on at the moment, my temperature chart is unreadable due to the fact that I work shifts and that I take my temperature at different times in the morning. Keeping my fingers crossed, that is all I can do now.

What PCOS means for me.

I hate PCOS every day! The thing I hate most is being classed as 'infertile', seeing other people get pregnant so easily or accidentally even, it makes me mad! For me PCOS means weight gain, not drastic amounts so I guess I am lucky but one day I would like to be a size 12 again! Although the Metformin has appeared to stabilise my weight a little and the arrow is starting to go down rather then up!

Facial hair! I listen to people at work complain about the menopause and getting facial hair and think they are lucky I have had it for as long as I can remember, luckily it is quite fine blonde hair, but ever now and again I sprout a few whiskers. What do you do about it? I pluck the whiskers but I know if I try to remove all the hair on my face it will just grow back thicker and darker, yuck I hate it. Hair in all the places you don't want it sucks! Some days it makes me want to hide.

Tiredness, this is bad and plays a big part in my life, it is only recently I have associated it with the PCOS, since taking Metformin it has improved slightly. I can sleep a lot! On a bad day I will get up at 8am be in bed again at 2pm then get up about 5pm before going to bed at 10pm. And still feel exhausted! In the earlier days I went to the doctors about it and after several blood tests to find out if I was diabetic or anaemic I think the doctor just thought I was depressed, he gave me a questionnaire to fill out with questions on it like 'Have you ever wanted to end your life' I threw the questionnaire in the bin. It just made me feel like a total freak! He had not said what it was about but it was obvious. He did not stop to think it could be due to PCOS, but back then it was pretty much swept under the carpet by my doctors as something that I had but did not affect me.

Depression, that came later really. Probably not directly linked to the PCOS more from my Son being killed and the person doing it getting away with it, but the PCOS is part of the problem or maybe it is my inability to conceive that is the problem.

So that is a bit of what PCOS means for me! I am sure there is more stuff but I can add it later, basically it sucks!

Day 21 of cycle

Day 21! How I wish I had a 21 day cycle! Heck stuff that I wish I had a cycle at all!!

Feeling pains today, like period pains. I am doing my best not to read anything into them, eg ovulation pain or implantation pain or impending period! But I do not remember getting them on my last cycle, so I will take that as a good sign!

I want to blog about what PCOS means to me, but I think that needs a blog of its own! Keep reading!

Day 19 of cycle

I cant believe it is day 19 already, this cycle seems to be going quickly but I hope it is the last one and at the end of this cycle I will be pregnant!! Hope for the best prepare for the worst! It is a funny old world, one day you are plodding along seeing bad stuff on the news everyday, thinking it is bad but that is stuff that happens to other people. Then something happens and that split second changes your life in a way that can never be changed back and you come to realise that shit is not just something that happens but it happens to you over and over again, and you then just wait for the next bit of bad stuff to happen.

Anyway, I have been plotting my basal body temperature which I think has been a good distraction from counting days! It is not looking great, it looks more like a cardiac rhythm strip then a temperature chart, with spikes all over the place! Not sure if this is just because I started charting a few days into my cycle so not sure what temperatures to go on, or maybe a sign that my body is trying to ovulate, or just that it is crap and defying all medical science!! Anyway I still have my fingers crossed that by the end of this cycle this will become a blog about my pregnancy, fingers crossed!!!

Day 17 of cycle

I have done well this month to not obsess over what day of the cycle I am on with a view to not making it drag! So much so that I stuffed up the days on my blog and had to correct them!

Today I am going to have a moan! About those websites where people claim they have the answer to becoming pregnant after 8 million years of trying to get pregnant etc.. you read through the site clutching at straws that something this person has found works for her may also work for you, then when you finally get to the bottom of the page there is a link to pay for the solution or a book with the solution in. Those sites sicken me, if they really are for real and these women have been through the torment of years of trying to conceive then why would they lead people on like that in an aim to make money out of other peoples torment, it is sick, don't give them money and don't buy their books!

Day 16 of cycle

I have discovered some cool stuff on the internet, some related to PCOS and some stuff that is a giggle!

Firstly I have joined my blog onto a web ring of sites related to PCOS, there is a link at the bottom of the page. This is really good, I find it helps to read other peoples experiences of it, it helps you realise you are not alone.

Secondly I have (well actually my husband has!) found a cool website where you can just cruise through peoples blogs! It is called blogexplosion, some of the blogs are very funny like one about someone who lives on a diet of chilies! Also one about a man who really does love his sheds I am assuming that his site is meant to be funny, with a website name 'boring tosser' I am sure it can not be for real! It is worth a giggle, and that is my advice for today! Do not take life, PCOS or trying to conceive too seriously find time to laugh often!

Day 15 of cycle

I know I am getting a bit slack with the blogs, finding it hard to stay optimistic when the clomid did not work on the first cycle. Also according to the information leaflet about clomid ovulation should take place between day 10 and day 15, if this is the case I don't get why you have to wait until day 35 to find out for sure if it has worked. Anyway I am on day 14 and have had no temperature shift. My chart so far is all over the place, not sure I can get any information off that! I don't think it helps that I work shifts so some mornings I take my temperature at 5.45am and other days 8am. But never mind, I don't think it is an exact science - of course I would not be saying that if I had a definite temperature shift that confirmed ovulation had occurred!

I have been feeling pretty sicky over the past few days although that is nothing new for me, most probably due to metformin but of course I am hoping it is due to hormones from ovulating! Clutching at straws now! I find that the metformin makes me feel pretty shitty especially the one first thing in the morning - although this again could be due to working shifts, so some mornings I take it at 6am. Mostly the metformin gives me days where I have no appetite at all (but can still eat chocolate! Just cant stomach a whole meal!), also every now and again it gives me a really upset stomach despite the fact that I take it with food as it says on the label. I wish I knew what triggered that off, urgent trips to the loo are not pleasant! I did work out alcohol is not good (it does say in the information leaflet not to drink alcohol with it but I thought I would try!)! I am rubbish with alcohol anyway, but I have discovered to my cost that drinking alcohol whilst taking metformin really upsets my stomach. So alcohol is now a big no no! I never really drank much or often anyway, because with one sip of alcohol I turn into a giggly mess then fall asleep! But since I know I must not drink it I want it!! I have been good though.

I am really hacked off this evening, my husband is watching the football, which is not a problem. I thought I would watch Holby City on the other television but there is another football match on BBC 1 as well. I am so piddled off how can they put football on every channel! Also Holby is one of my favorite TV programs (along with casualty, scrubs and ER) because I work shifts I often miss it so I was really looking forward to tonight. Bottoms!

Cycle day 10

The blog seems to be working the days are flying by this time around. We have just got into the possibly crucial stage so I am very busy at the moment!

Day 9 of cycle

I seem to be blogging every other day!

I made a decision yesterday to start charting my base line temperature. I also found a really good website that explains how to do it and what it is all about. You can also start your own online chart. It is great.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/

Day 7 of cycle

I missed out yesterday, that was day 6 and the last day of clomid! Great!!!

Now all I can do is keep taking the metformin and get busy! It is a long road ahead now. Another 28 days and I will know if it has worked this time around. Also I can not believe it is August already!!!