Feeling a bit more chilled!

Work is really stressing me out at the moment. The people I work with are just total planks!! Someone at work is pregnant (a little further on then I would have been had I not had yet another miscarriage) and people just go on and on and on about it, it drives me nuts. It is really hard just being around her despite the fact that I like her, I have to keep hiding myself away from them all just to stay sane. I had been worried that when I returned to work people would make silly comments about my miscarriage, but actually no one gives a damn, like it never happened or maybe they think because I have had 4 I should be used to it. Like anyone gets used to losing a baby time and time again!

Apart from all that I am quite chilled, I have a few days off which is always good! Also my husband has his job interview next week, so that is finally starting to move on. I am a bit worried about having to look for another job (but even if we stayed here I would have to), not too worried about moving since we have become pro's at it! But am a bit worried about the prospect of maybe not getting a reason why I keep miscarrying before we move and then have to get a referral to another hospital and probably wait another 6 months after moving for that. All I can hope is that the reason is something simple - like scar tissue (which I would put money on considering the way I lost my first baby) and that it can be sorted before we move, so that as soon as we settle we can start trying again, while we wait for a new fertility doctor. It is all about timing! Just hope things finally start to work out for us, we seem to have fallen from one disaster into another since we got married, the only sure thing is our marriage!

I have started on a low GI, lowish fat diet at the moment having jumped off the low carb one! I have put a few pounds back on but I hope that will settle soon and that I can either keep a stable weight or lose some more, I would like to at least get below 11 stone, I keep getting stuck at 11 stone 1 or 4 or 6! Maybe once I get back onto the metformin it will be easier, at the moment I am making the most of being able to have a glass of wine from time to time without getting an upset stomach!

No matter how bad things are they can always get worse!!

A few problems at the moment!!

1. Pretty pissed off about 4th miscarriage

2. Pretty pissed off about having to wait for test to find out why, therefore currently having to take a break from trying to conceive.

3. My Son would have been 2 years old around about now had some fuckwit not driven his dustbin lorry through my car.

4. My job is going under! The hospital I work at is being closed, although we still have no date, and so I am having to look for a new job, complicated by the fact that we might have to move house, so don't know where to look, and most NHS trusts at the moment are firing rather then hiring nurses!

5. My husbands company has run out of money so as of the end of this month we will be living on my wage alone which is not enough to cover bills, rent etc! There might be another job in the pipe line but it is moving very slowly at the moment and if he gets it we will have to move house.

6. If we move then the fertility treatment will all be put on hold, I will need to be referred to another hospital and so be stuck on a waiting list for ages!

7. My diet has taken a turn for the worse! I just want to eat chocolate and drink wine! I have eaten chocolate, so most of the weight I had lost is back on! I am going to switch from a low carb diet to a low GI diet because the low carb one is too restrictive, depressing and I am sure not very healthy!

8. As a direct result of all the above problems my husband and I are both depressed!

Apart from all that things here are lovely!!

Day 4 of low carb diet

So far so good!! I had said I would weigh myself once a week but could not help but weigh myself today and so far I have lost 5lbs. If it carries on at this rate I should be down to the size I want to be in no time. Also the diet progresses so I can increase the carbs a little more but carry on a fairly low carb diet forever - if it lasts!!

The first few days were the worst, today is not too bad with cravings, it is definitely worth hanging in there for the first few days, but not the kind of diet you should start while working.

I am hoping to get the PCOS under control, then hopefully they will find out why I keep miscarrying and fix it!! If only it were that simple!! Then we are going to get back to the clomid and trying to conceive again and we might just get lucky!!

Time to get positive! Day 2 of low carb vegetarian diet.

I felt it was time to do something to fill the time between now and the tests in June. It is such a long wait, I want to use the time in a positive way. I had thought about a low carb diet before because it is meant to be good to control the symptoms of PCOS, but I always got stuck before I started because I am vegetarian and most low carb diets consist of lots of meat and fish. But my hubby helped me find a vegetarian low carb book and so far so good! I only started yesterday but have stuck to it so far, although I do feel like chocolate!!! Yesterday I did not feel too bad, but I think that is because I was busy all day, I spent the morning running around getting the weird and wonderful ingredients I need, then we played badminton and before I knew it it was bed time! But today I have felt crap! I feel really tired and am craving chocolate!! But I am sure it will be worth it! It says that I can expect the first few days to be rough - that is why I started it while I am on annual leave from work!

Oh bugger work!!! I am not looking forward to going back, I am not looking forward to the hospital shutting and having to go and work at another hospital! Stress is not good!