Day 23

Day 23 and so far pregnancy tests are negative. I guess it is just wishful thinking to test so soon anyway, I know the instructions say to test on day 35 if I have not had a period by then, but I keep thinking that I feel pregnant, even believe I am pregnant for a little while. It is so hard, and I am dreading Christmas, it would be really great to be pregnant and tell our families over Christmas, since the last two Christmas' have been full of bad news it would be good to wish for a happy Christmas this year.

My Son is on my mind a lot at the moment, well actually he always is, but now especially approaching the 2 year anniversary of his death. Two years have passed so quickly yet I still remember everything clearly about the car crash, about being in hospital, about being told my baby was dead, and about the birth and finally meeting my little boy. I guess that only now I am beginning to understand that you never get over losing a baby, but you have to some how learn to live with the loss. I hate some days the way I cope with it all, and feel like I am a mess most of the time, but I am starting to cope with it all, it is easier then trying to forget.